Have you ever wondered, “Why is it so easy to be compassionate toward other people’s pain, yet so much harder to extend the same understanding to ourselves?”
In a society that often values resilience, productivity, and the ability to handle pressure, admitting that you are exhausted can feel surprisingly difficult. Over time, we may learn to use logic to dismiss emotional and physical warning signs without realizing that we are beginning to doubt our own experience.
In this week’s article, Ann takes a closer look at this quiet psychological pattern and why we sometimes become the ones who invalidate our own feelings.
What Is Self-Gaslighting?
Self-gaslighting is commonly used to describe the tendency to deny, minimize, or question one’s own emotional experiences.
Instead of creating space to understand what we are feeling, we may use seemingly reasonable explanations to convince ourselves that our emotions are “too much,” “irrational,” or “not important enough to matter.”
Over time, this pattern can make it increasingly difficult to trust our own perceptions and emotional responses.
When Distorted Thinking Disguises Itself as Strength
One reason self-gaslighting can be difficult to recognize is that it may appear under the guise of qualities that are often socially valued, such as being “understanding,” “resilient,” or “positive.”
A common example is repeatedly comparing our own experience with someone else’s through thoughts such as, “Other people have it much worse,” “This isn’t a big deal,” or “Maybe I’m just being too sensitive.”
When we constantly place our pain on a comparative scale, we may begin to believe that only difficulties that are “serious enough” deserve attention. As a result, our own emotions and needs can be dismissed rather than understood.
When Reason and the Body Tell Different Stories
Downplaying what we are going through can sometimes be a way of coping with periods of intense pressure.
A person may not yet understand what their emotional signals mean, or temporarily setting those feelings aside may once have been the most practical way to keep functioning in a difficult environment.
Thoughts such as “I just need to push through” or “This isn’t serious enough to stop for” can sometimes help us meet immediate responsibilities.
However, reassuring ourselves through logic does not always make the body’s stress response disappear. Stress may still show up as muscle tension, shallow breathing, difficulty sleeping, fatigue, or a persistent sense of being on alert.
When these signals are repeatedly dismissed, it can become harder to recognize our own limits and needs.
What Can We Do During Difficult Times?
One place to begin is by stopping the habit of comparing your pain with someone else’s. The fact that another person may be facing greater adversity does not make your own experience less real.
Instead of immediately judging an emotion, you can try pausing and naming what is happening: “I’m tired,” “I’m upset,” or “I’m overwhelmed.” Acknowledging an emotion does not mean exaggerating it. Sometimes, it is simply a way of understanding yourself more clearly.
When you feel tense or overwhelmed, you might also try a simple grounding exercise:
- Place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen.
- Breathe in slowly, noticing the movement of your belly, then exhale gently.
- Notice the contact of your hands against your body and bring your attention back to the present moment.
Practices like this are not meant to make difficult emotions disappear. Instead, they may help create a brief pause before you decide what you need next.
Acknowledging that you are not okay is not a sign of weakness. Sometimes, it is the first step toward recognizing your limits, understanding your needs, and responding to yourself with greater care.